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Snuggling Prognosticator

So many things in life require complex decision-making skills. Too often, we take for granted our ability to handle these kinds of things. You know me: I prefer to just keep things simple when I can. For example, deciding whether to get a haircut is pretty straightforward. Unfortunately, sometimes we find ourselves needing to make decisions which involve our relationships with others, and these can quickly become needlessly complex. In such circumstances, I have often found it useful to map out my own thoughts and preferences. Putting them on display for the other parties involved eliminates ambiguity, confusion, and miscommunication. If there’s a chart, you can just refer everyone to it and they know precisely where you stand. (I also encourage the use of a telescoping or laser pointer to focus your audience’s attention during the explanation phase.)

So with that in mind, I present to you the Snuggling Prognosticator. I’d like to apologize in advance if it spills uglily out of its frame in your browser. I think you’ll agree that its usefulness and significance trump any aesthetic inconveniences this may cause.

Feel free to adapt it to suit your own needs. Also, don’t be selfish: If you find it helpful, please make others aware of its existence here. Thanks!

Snuggling Prognosticator

As you well know, of course I strive for accuracy and completeness here at Please share your thoughts with the rest of us in the Comments below. What did I miss? What’s YOUR process for working out complicated decisions?

Ladies’ Hair Companion

Partly because so many people told me they enjoyed the Haircut Prognosticator—but mainly because my good friend Krista V. from Outreach Films sent me a scanned image of a girls’ version, thus saving me from having to come up with something fresh and inspired myself—I decided to share with you this response. I tried to make it appropriately pink and frilly. For the ladies.

I don’t mind telling you, frankly I was surprised to learn how much simpler this decision can be for women. So ladies, finally you can stop trying to find objectivity in a perpetually difficult decision that, realistically, is based largely on emotion. It’s just been made practical for you. Use a flowchart. (And you’re welcome.)

If you need directions, ask a woman. If you need a flowchart, ask a man.

Ladies' Hair Companion

This flowchart is provided by as-is, with no warranty, and no guarantee that it will work for your specific situation. If you are suffering a legitimate hair emergency, seek immediate assistance from some lady friends and a trusted stylist with a proven reputation. What did I miss? What else should be included?

Haircut Prognosticator

Rarely do I catch myself looking in the mirror to ask, Hey, I wonder if I need a haircut? That’s too hard. I follow a simple flowchart instead. (Most people who know me well would not be at all surprised. Equally unsurprised would be any person who actually sees my hair on any given day.)

Frequently, friends may ask me, “Hey, did you get a haircut?” or they may say, “Hey, are you letting your hair grow out?” Never are these questions followed by the simple phrase, “I like it!”

My wife taught me that this is polite code for, “I am acknowledging that I have noticed something different about your appearance; however, I do not like it. And since common courtesy precludes me from being honest with you, let’s just leave it at that.”

Or maybe I should just trim my bangs with fingernail scissors? Oh no, wait... that's Kendra.

Haircut Prognosticator Flowchart

What did I miss? What factors do you consider in whether you get a haircut?